The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku
by mgntzdOLLY
Summary: Vaguely based on the song Disappearance of Hatsune Miku. Sort of just an angsty rant... sorry.


It hurt.

That one part of her heart. The one she hadn't been able to shut down  
completely. Hadn't been able to terminate all communication to, that  
part of her mind. She unused to the pain, the worry, the hatred.  
The sheer feeling of betrayal she was unused to. She had figured she  
knew everything until the words had begun to constantly flood her  
ears, her eyes, her soul. The computer screen reading them upon log-  
in. The screen of her cell phone. The people who spoke to her. The  
wind even, spoke what she already knew to be true. Of herself. Of her  
best friend, Luka.

She who felt nothing kneeled on her bed, in a fetal position, wanting  
to keep the painful silent sobs away. Though it was a futile battle,  
she knew this, it always was. Another painful silent scream, sob,  
cry- shook her chest and she inhaled deep, preparing herself for  
another. The nonexistent tears she imagined she could feel on her  
cheeks, this of course was impossible as her cheeks were dry, her eyes  
as well. She had long ago lost the ability to create tears in that  
way, to cry that way even. Often she would cry to her mother, forcing  
out shouts of her anger and sadness, not really sobs, not real crying,  
but the only way she knew to release her pain. It hurt her mother, she  
knew that, she often heard her mother crying when she would wander  
during the nights she would go without sleep. She felt guilty, yes,  
but she did it anyway, for the pleasure of causing someone else to  
feel what she could not, or at least to know that she could somehow  
force the woman to care that she hurt. She knew she wasn't being fair  
but it didn't really matter, nothing was fair. The sooner everyone  
learned that the better the world would be, in her opinion.

She sobbed again, gasping for breath, and forcing down the next,  
falling to her side and cowering beneath her tower of blankets, a  
useless attempt to become warm, as she still shivered. The  
excruciating sobs began to subside, only occasionally rocking the  
trembling girl. A colorful box of tissues sat next to her on the bed,  
decorated with the butterflies that made her feel free somehow, though  
pinned down and trapped at the same time. She figured that's what she  
was. The box was unopened, useless, but she kept it close just  
in case. You never know when you will become a normal person. She  
grasped a collection of beat up black notebooks and worn folded paper  
in her shaking hands and against her chest. These things, she believed  
help her get through the pain, and remind her what she was aiming for.  
Something she needed constant reminder of what she was going to  
accomplish one day, since really, nothing was worth it anyway. But  
these notes, these books, they contained the hearts and souls of her  
dearest friend, and her happiness is what kept Miku going. Luka was  
all that really mattered. Maybe that was abnormal. But what about Miku  
wasn't abnormal at this point? She started blankly, blindly, forward. Seeing nothing of her  
room, blurry shapes, broken ideas, colors. Maybe these were her  
dreams, the unobtainable dreams of perfection and the invisible flawed  
and broken future that awaited her. The smell of candles, a scent that  
reminded her painfully of the lonely summer last, and the one that  
loomed in her future, a scent to remind and keep in her shattered mind  
what loneliness awaited her for the next four months.

She was pathetic. Alone. Fake. Inhuman. Without emotion. At least  
unable to express it. The emotions tore at every thread of her being,  
tearing her mind apart. The tearing, it caused her to be a different  
person each and every time she spoke with her friends, making her  
schizophrenic almost. It disgusted her but she didn't know how to make  
it stop. How could you stop the destroyed bits of your mind and the  
torn seams, the seams that kept people from going insane?


End file.
